Oh!! Today started off so good in so many ways... I've been sleeping really good since I got here and I swear I am feeling more rested than I've ever been in my life. I woke up early this morning after a great night of sleep, had coffee, wrote, drew, went to a drawing seminar and drew during all of that, had lunch, biked to the big lake and back, wrote........ and then went to a picnic tonight. The picnic was for the art students here and every art student gets paired up with a family here. They used to call it "adopting an art student" but now they call it a sponsor or something like that. Anyway- I haven't been telling everyone here about my father or what he did to me or about my family or that I have no connection to any of them. I have told a few people- my roommate and couple of other people- but I decided NOT to stand up in front of a the group of 38 other art students and declare from the rooftops that I'm a survivor of incest and on and on. Today was one of the first times I've ever been able to talk about my art in what felt like a really real way and not even think about having to say anything about my dad. And I feel like it's good and sort of... I think it's sort of good. I mean: I don't want to introduce myself by saying: Hi my name is Jenny and my dad blah blah blah.... If anyone looks for my art online they will find this out and I am not in denial about it- I just don't want to tell everyone about the details of it- but then sometimes it just feels impossible to not explain. So this evening- after a good day and good 28 mile bike ride- I ate. I ate and let the other two art students who are being sponsored by the same family talk. And then they started to talk about having us all over for dinner next week and it felt like everyone was talking about their lives and families and so I spoke to them separately before they left the picnic and told them about my father and that I have DID and that I still struggle a lot sometimes.
BECAUSE HOW WAS I NOT GOING TO MENTION IT??????? THEY WERE GOING TO COME TO MY STUDIO AND SEE THE PINK DRESS I AM DRAWING AN IMAGE OF A MAN WHO WAS ALMOST EATEN IN HALF BY A SHARK DOWN THE FRONT AND WHAT WAS I GOING TO SAY THEN???????????
Now I'm going to cry and then go to bed.
I'm going to keep writing while I am here but a lot is going on and it might be a little sporadic. I'll try to write as much as I can.
BECAUSE HOW WAS I NOT GOING TO MENTION IT??????? THEY WERE GOING TO COME TO MY STUDIO AND SEE THE PINK DRESS I AM DRAWING AN IMAGE OF A MAN WHO WAS ALMOST EATEN IN HALF BY A SHARK DOWN THE FRONT AND WHAT WAS I GOING TO SAY THEN???????????
Now I'm going to cry and then go to bed.
I'm going to keep writing while I am here but a lot is going on and it might be a little sporadic. I'll try to write as much as I can.
3 comments:
Hey Jenny I just wanted to post and say that I hear you. Hope you get a good night's rest. Thank you for being so courageous. It helps me have courage too!
Thank you for this comment of encouragement, Karen. Thank you! xo
I think you were very courageous for sharing that you have DID. I know its one thing to open up on a blog but its very difficult to open up about something like that to complete strangers that you are with in person.
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