artconstellation: August 2011

August 27, 2011

Sign, studio, door

I'm sure animals are not allowed to be in the studio at my school. I'm sure they'll have to adjust that policy when they meet this one.

August 26, 2011

I got my acceptance letter for graduate school six months ago today.

Today I have orientation and classes start Monday. I am completely excited.

Heather keeps calling me "Mohawk Cuteness".

This morning when I woke up Lloyd jumped into bed with me and I hugged him.

Monday I get the key to my studio. Yes to that. ;-)

Poem by Wendell Berry.

IX.

by Wendell Berry

I go by a field where once
I cultivated a few poor crops.
It is now covered with young trees,
for the forest that belongs here
has come back and reclaimed its own.
And I think of all the effort
I have wasted and all the time,
and of how much joy I took
in that failed work and how much
it taught me. For in so failing
I learned something of my place,
something of myself, and now
I welcome back the trees.

Note.

I'm terrified of being close to you because I can not tolerate being near to myself. Also- you promised you'd stop eating breakfast at Starbucks and you keep doing it.

August 24, 2011

Sometimes I panic.

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by the past that I become paralyzed in the present (like I used to in the past). It is getting better though; my reactions to the panic are getting better & that makes me think that soon the panic will start to lessen too.
The pain of the memories is sometimes so much- I start jumping from thought to thought. I have to remind myself of my age and the year. I take deep breaths and remember I am safe, I take pictures of myself and write to pull myself into the present.