Even though I understand that keeping my own mind in a kind of chaotic place is a way to not fully realize the reality of the truth about the past... the reality of the past kind of makes me very very very anxious and makes me feel chaotic.
Lately I have been noticing how much of my time is really taken up by PTSD related things. That is to say: I want to be drawing and making my art... but I am anxious. So I am going to keep working on it. I think being more aware of the feelings of anxiety and asking myself what it is really about is a step in the right direction. Then I need to remind myself that I am safe now. Then I need to remind myself that it is good and wonderful to be in my studio and making art. Then I need to turn on the opera and draw.
I took the photo with my webcam and when I saw myself... I laughed out loud. I feel like I am a photo of PTSD/DID. No, I am more than that.
Today I started reading a book about art made by people with DID.
Thursday I am taking the train to see someone I love. :-)
I love you, someone. :-)