1. I received your message.

Today I got your message but I feel unable to respond directly. It's a problem about closeness and how for too long there was too much. Too much yelling, too much touching, too much fucking, too much lying, too much violence. And I didn't really even get to know about that very much at the time it originally happened- it was too much hurt to understand in my one mind.
For a long time all I had was my 'original' family- now not.
Many days it all still feels too painful to feel. And most days I keep wanting out of my own life a lot. I don't mean I want to die- I mean I wish had a different story.
This sometimes seems like it is about me not wanting to be close to you, but it is never about that.
It is about me not wanting to be close to me.
The trip went well.
Jenny