April 12, 2011

The only way.

I posted this image the other day but I was thinking of it today when I was out jogging.  I was thinking about the fact that the only way to "not know" or to try to "cover" the pain of having been raped so much when I was a child was to keep constantly having sex after the sexual abuse stopped.  It is painful to type that here.  I was literally thinking as I 'ran' today:  The only way to cover the tracks of the fucking machine was to become one myself.  And I did.

I was going to make a piece of 'art' that 'read' that- but... it is so painful.

My friend has been doing work to educate people and raise awareness about the crisis of child sex trafficking.  She told me about this documentary and I just watched the trailer for it.  It is good they made the film but I do question the title: 'Playground'.  Really?  A 'play on words'?  Maybe they should have titled it 'Emergency' or 'Crisis'.  Anyway- here is the trailer- it is painful to watch- obviously.

4 comments:

Kate said...

Hi Jenny,

That's too bad that they think that they have to use irony in the title, which is also sad and pathetic and bullshit. As if child sex traffiking doesn't have enough irony in the subject without someone feeling they have to put more into the subject!

I am sorry you are dealing with the subject of not having any boundaries with sex. This is such a common thing for survivors. I think it is such a common thing for many kids, even those not abused.

I became a good little Christian girl, it is how I got some boundaries outside of myself to help me, because I had no boundaries. It kept me protected, but it also kept me from learning boundaries of my own and of finding a life for myself.

I'm so sorry you are in pain. Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Eve said...

I agree with you on the title thing. Although, I am still glad they made the movie.

gracie said...

i blocked sex out completely when i left home. or so i thought. it appears however that part of me did not and instead sought out abusive situations because that was her/my normal. sex is so messed up now. i have it because i feel i have to because my husband is a lovely man and does not deserve to suffer because of things that happened long before we met.

i wish i knew what normal sex was - normal as in without a tainted past. i feel cheated of that- of knowing a normal loving intimate relationship, of seeing sex as for pleasure instead of means of self-punishment or degradation.

Anonymous said...

This documentary is really needed but I agree about the title and I don't like the way they are using the music and some of the imagery is not good either.

The industry cannot do what you and others are able to do on your blogs.