(Dinner, April 20, 2011)
Today I had a painful memory come back. It has been bubbling for the past few... days... weeks... ok.. always. Anyway- it was painful- really painful. In the past I probably would have cut myself or hurt my body in some other way because I was so upset about the memory. Today I sat down and felt really sad. I felt terrible. Then I texted Eve. Then I texted Christopher. Then I was texting both of them and emailing a very long email to my doctor about the memory. It took a few emails. I didn't speak out loud for three hours and then I took my whole dinner and wrote out the above.
Then I called Eve and we talked about how amazing it is that I am able to tolerate the painful memories in this totally new way. I am now able to have painful memories about the past and not hurt my body. It feels like a miracle. It is really the product of seven years of therapy and a lot of good friends. It is so good. The work of healing is hard and it takes a long time. But it does happen. I am proof of it.
This is something I wrote to my doctor today in my last email over the pain of the memory:
The terrible of not talking finally was worse than telling the terrible truths. It really is that. The most simple and complex thing of all.
-------------------------------------------------
YES TO TALKING.
The Race to Stop the Silence and End Child Sexual Abuse is this Saturday. I am ready!!
Then I called Eve and we talked about how amazing it is that I am able to tolerate the painful memories in this totally new way. I am now able to have painful memories about the past and not hurt my body. It feels like a miracle. It is really the product of seven years of therapy and a lot of good friends. It is so good. The work of healing is hard and it takes a long time. But it does happen. I am proof of it.
This is something I wrote to my doctor today in my last email over the pain of the memory:
The terrible of not talking finally was worse than telling the terrible truths. It really is that. The most simple and complex thing of all.
-------------------------------------------------
YES TO TALKING.
The Race to Stop the Silence and End Child Sexual Abuse is this Saturday. I am ready!!
5 comments:
I love the creativity in this picture. hope u feel better soon, you seem to be a great artist!
Hi, I've just come across your blog as it was featured in top ptsd blogs (mine was number four--http://ptsdcreativewriting.blogspot.com I'm so taken in by your art and your words, I can relate really. I just wanted to say HI and I'll be travelling through your blog for sure. Beautiful, raw work here.
Amy Sprague
Holy shit your artwork is like a trip inside my own head
That's right, your silence is over and now, the speaking and healing continues:)
i love you!
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