Self portrait

Clarifications.

A good friend commented on my last post asking if "collaborative" meant a drawing made by different ways of being me.  I have labeled drawings on here in the past with that but these recent collaborative drawings have been work made by me and the man pictured here in the dark glasses.  ;-)   And here is a better photo of the painting/drawing I posted the other day.

Another collaborative drawing.

"MANY THINGS ARE SETTLED IN A LIFETIME"

Self (in) portrait.

Sketchbook drawing (in progress).

Drawing and healing each day.

sketchbook page

Not graceful; no matter.

Here is an image of the drawing I posted yesterday after several more hours of drawing.  It is a collaborative work.
Today I see my therapist for the first time in about two and a half weeks.  I promised myself I would make a map/list of the different ways of being me before I saw him again and I had been putting it off.  Then this morning- after much unhappiness and a bit of overeating- I wrote it out.  Not graceful- but a huge step in the right direction.

Another work in progress. (Collaboration.)

Wall of drawings in progress (collaborative).

Yesterday I biked 30 miles and it was a great ride. Today another break from biking and a trip to the art museum. My therapist returns Monday... I will probably be writing more soon.

Fear and no fear.

Today I did not ride my bike at all. I rode 90 miles in the past three days and my legs needed a break. But now I have had to sit with my fear. I feel like I am riding myself into the ground because I am so anxious. I do love my bike... But I have all of this energy and a lot of it nervous and I have not yet figured out how to better direct it. In typical DID form I am both looking forward to and very much not looking forward to the return of my therapist. Nolens volens to the future.

quick drawing before a bike ride.

Ride.

Yesterday was not great. Today is better. My therapist is away on vacation, I feel like I am still recovering a bit from my public speaking event last Friday and other stuff too. Yesterday was the last day in my art therapy group for someone I like a lot and we had a going away party but it was still sad. Today I went to a group which was difficult but good and rode my bike. Tomorrow I am biking again but for I think it will involve ice cream. Biking and smoking and eating ice cream, drawing and laughing and crying- a picture of me as I recover.

hard day at the office

Drawing from art therapy today.

40 mile bike ride on Monday and 30 miles in the rain today.

That hand writing on the wall will probably be your own.

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday Jessieh. I love you!

Me with visiting dinosaur.....

Jessieh was in town today for just a few hours.  It was great! But not enough time!!!!

from 'The Writer's Almanac' for today

Dharma
by Billy Collins

The way the dog trots out the front door
every morning
without a hat or an umbrella,
without any money
or the keys to her dog house
never fails to fill the saucer of my heart
with milky admiration.

Who provides a finer example
of a life without encumbrance—
Thoreau in his curtainless hut
with a single plate, a single spoon?
Ghandi with his staff and his holy diapers?

Off she goes into the material world
with nothing but her brown coat
and her modest blue collar,
following only her wet nose,
the twin portals of her steady breathing,
followed only by the plume of her tail.

If only she did not shove the cat aside
every morning
and eat all his food
what a model of self-containment she would be,
what a paragon of earthly detachment.
If only she were not so eager
for a rub behind the ears,
so acrobatic in her welcomes,
if only I were not her god.

Self portrait Saturday.

Yesterday I spoke at the symposium for my art therapy group.  It went well in that I said what I planned to say and it came out ok.  But it was sad for me to hear myself put together the story of my past and the images of my violent art.  It was sad and painful but I am also glad I did it.  This morning I biked 29 miles.

Finished drawing, self portrait, few words.

Today I finally finished the above drawing. It is going in the show I mentioned in a previous post and we are hanging the show tomorrow. I took the picture today. I biked to my therapy and back home. My therapy was painful. But I am healing- biking and drawing and doing a lot of great things- I go on.