Deep water.

I just spoke to Jessieh on the phone. I told her I cut my hair today and that it was the first time I have ever 'not felt bad about it afterward'. Ok... that is a huge and painful metaphor right there.
In the past I have always felt really sad after I cut my hair- I think I was always wishing/hoping that I could be some other way- and if I could look some other way that I could feel some other way too. Letting go of the wish that I am crazy is a hard thing for me to do. I have relied on it all of my life. My parents filled me to the top and then some with the idea that 'what was wrong' with me was: craziness. It has always been not just easier but necessary to believe that I am "not well" and not strong. But I am well. And I am strong. Tonight I am drawing a dinosaur into the drawing I started a couple of nights ago and I am going to listen to a great cd while I work. I feel like I have a long way to go to finish this work of recovering- but maybe it is not as far as I think. Anyway- I will work some everyday and I know that I will come out on the other side of the trauma I survived. I already am.
Here is a great quote I found today:
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -Thomas A. Edison.