September 30, 2008
September 29, 2008
September 28, 2008
September 27, 2008
September 25, 2008
September 23, 2008
September 21, 2008
Miss Murphy in first grade
wrote its name in chalk
across the board and told us
it was roaring down the stormtracks
of the Milky Way at frightful speed
and if it wandered off its course
and smashed into the earth
there'd be no school tomorrow.
A red-bearded preacher from the hills
with a wild look in his eyes
stood in the public square
at the playground's edge
proclaiming he was sent by God
to save every one of us,
even the little children.
"Repent, ye sinners!" he shouted,
waving his hand-lettered sign.
At supper I felt sad to think
that it was probably
the last meal I'd share
with my mother and my sisters;
but I felt excited too
and scarcely touched my plate.
So mother scolded me
and sent me early to my room.
The whole family's asleep
except for me. They never heard me steal
into the stairwell hall and climb
the ladder to the fresh night air.
Look for me, Father, on the roof
of the red brick building
at the foot of Green Street—
that's where we live, you know, on the top floor.
I'm the boy in the white flannel gown
sprawled on this coarse gravel bed
searching the starry sky,
waiting for the world to end.
September 18, 2008
September 16, 2008
September 15, 2008
September 14, 2008
September 11, 2008
I feel really bad about it and I just read her obituary online and cried again. Stefano has been extremely nice (as he always is) since he has lost too many people he loves too and knows how awful it is.
The last time I talked with my aunt she was doing "ok" and said she was not having much pain. My sister said my mom and one of her two sons were there when she died, so it made me feel a little better knowing that.
The last time we spoke my aunt said she was really proud of me and excited about me being here in Italy, being with the man I love, making my art, learning Italian and going to Venice in January to be an artist in residence.
I cried a lot last night and stayed in bed half the day today with Lloyd and Winston and cried some more. I finally started working on my Italian this afternoon and eventually got out of bed thinking my aunt would definitely want me to keep going, keep working on learning Italian and enjoy every minute of my life.
It is hard and sad and it also brings up a bunch of hard feelings towards my mom who I am too furious with to even call. But since there is nothing else to do but go on, I am going to do what I always try to do which is keep going on and try to hold every day this huge mix of sadness and joy that is life.
I keep hearing the last words my aunt said before we hung up the telephone for the last time. It was the same thing she always said to me: "I love you darlin'."
As Stefano said last night; I hope she is in some better place now.