This was the look on Stefano's face when I told him I will NEVER iron his underwear.

31.5

Stefano and I have been struggling for the past eleven days (since I got back from Italy) to figure out how and when we will see each other again. Yesterday we bought a plane ticket. We will be together again on April 1. Stefano found an apartment that we will rent and we will be together for almost seven weeks. We are both feeling better now but each time we have to say goodbye it becomes harder and harder to be apart. I am really going to pray that this will be my last visit. Stefano will have a job soon and then we will find the most inexpensive apartment. I hope that when I come back to the U.S. in the middle of May that I can pack up the rest of my things and fly back to Italy with Lloyd and Winston. I have not been feeling very well the past couple of days so right now I am just really grateful and relieved that we will be back in the same place in just 31.5 days. Thank you Universe.

The Apple constellation.

sketchbook page 5

Lost (and found).

A drawing (inspired by true events).

2008 sketchbook page 4

Winnie.

Not alone anymore.

Evil Woobie just wrote this recommendation for my blog and it was so kind and incredible that I just had to post it here. Thank you so much.

"Her life is a proof that love conquers all... fear, depression and even the hateful side of people... Love keeps on growing and spreading its miracle. I'll tell you a secret: during the week or month, when I start losing faith in love, I visit this blog. She is my therapy. She makes me believe in Love's miracle over again."

My Stefano.

Upon remembering that I have a good life....

I took a nap, ate some lunch and now I am feeling a little better. Patience is a virtue and while not really one of mine... I am going to work on it. I have been able to draw more lately and so I am happy about that. I am going to work in my sketchbook today and I am sure that Stefano and I will get everything figured out. I start to feel better when I remind myself that I have lived through truly awful things and while not knowing when I will see Stefano next is hard- it is far from the worst pain I have known. Even though we are not in the same place right now and we both wish we were- at least we have each other. It is almost a miracle that we ever even met and I feel better when I remember that we are always together- even if we aren't in the same place yet.

I have to get back and I don't know how.

I can't believe we took this picture just six days ago. I miss Stefano so much I feel sick. I am having a terrible time 'readjusting' and I feel like I can not even figure out what to do. I got home late Monday night and I spent the past two days mostly in bed or crying over Skype with Stefano. Stefano spent the past two days looking for an apartment that we could rent for a month or two so that I could go back in just a few weeks and we could be together while he finds a job and then a more permanent place to live. Everything he has found is too expensive though and all of the prices will go up for the summer months so we literally do not know what we are going to do. Or when we will be together again. This makes me feel nauseous. Tomorrow I have my therapy and I feel like I opened up a bunch of new topics while I was in Italy and with Stefano and less afraid but now I am back and he is 4000 miles away and we don't even know when we will see each other again. I feel panicked. I feel really panicked and also sort of paralyzed with fear. Between the thought of going to therapy tomorrow and not knowing when I will Stefano again I feel sick to my stomach and I keep crying. I know it is not helpful but after I post this I am going to get back into bed, finish crying and hopefully sleep for a little while longer. I just feel awful.
Dear Universe: Please help.

sketchbook page 3

Liszt - Concert Etude No 3 - "Un Sospiro"

So happy together. (And we will be again soon.)

BUY A DRAWING & help me move to Italy!

After 22 hours of traveling and a lot of tears I am back in the US. Stefano and I are both going to do everything we can to get me moved there as soon as possible. If you are interested in purchasing a drawing PLEASE CONTACT ME AT: artconstellation@gmail.com.

This is the plane I took from London to the US. I feel extremely sad. I wish I had never left.

Guest post: A message from Stefano.

Hi. Jenny is about to come back to the United States and we are pretty sad (sad is not the right word but these lines will be posted on her blog). We are going to have a pizza and a movie and then we will go to sleep because we have to wake up early tomorrow.
I will go to the airport with her and then I'll come back home right away.
I will be alone without her.
We are made for living together and that's why we are so upset about having to stay apart for some weeks. But we are aware of the fact that we have already won our war, because we love each other like crazy and we will be together soon, as soon as possible. And we will spend the rest of our lives together, because this is our plan. It's just that it seems unfair that two people who are so in love have to be far even if for some days. She will be here at the end of April or even before, if everything goes in the right way.
I will start waiting for her to come back as soon as we say "bye" (I don't like saying "goodbye", it seems definitive and our "bye" IS NOT). I already miss her.
It's not just missing the person you love (the last one, forever), it's that I feel alive just when I am with her. I like my life when I am with Jenny and she makes me wish I was a better man.
I will see her in 10 weeks (and over Skype at least twice a day). I hope I will see her sooner.
I apologize for my bad english and ask everybody to keep visiting this wonderful blog. Jenny is a great artist.
Bye,
Stefano

I hate to leave you. See you again soon.

Apple blocking the door.

pen and ink on paper.

I will miss you.

My bone compass.

As I type this it is 7:58pm in Italy. I have to leave in less than 40 hours. Today has been hard because we are both feeling sad. I have spent most of the day crying. I am glad Stefano has graduated and I hope he will find a job soon but until then we will be more than 4000 miles apart and unsure when we will be in the same place again. It is hard when we are apart but it is the worst when we are together and have to go away from each other. I am literally sick. I feel like I am going to throw up and it is so painful to imagine having to go away from Stefano. I can hardly organize my brain to type this post- but I wanted to write something because I was hoping somehow it would make me feel better. Anyway- I am sick over the thought of being at the airport and feeling Stefano's arms hugged around me- and then the letting go. I feel so incredibly tired of feeling bad and hurting- we need to buy the train ticket(s) to get from his town to the airport in Rome and we have not done it yet. He has always come with me to the airport but then I have to walk away from him and go through security and then we can still see each other the whole time and once I get through security we are physically pretty far apart but we can still see each other. I just stand there always for a minute- kind of frozen and shocked that I am about to make myself walk away. I always feel like I have to just cut my mind off at some point and my legs just carry me away. I am crying as I type this of course and I wish so much that things were different. Anyway- I am trying to decide if I should just take the train to the airport alone. If that might be easier even though it will still be terrible. It will take me 22 hours of traveling to get from Stefano's house to where I live in the US. I feel completely ill. Ill. I wish we had enough money to rent an apartment here so that we could be together while Stefano looks for a job. I am sick over the thought of having to go away again. When the airplane lifts off the ground in Rome I always wish I felt some sort of relief- like there is no way to turn back now and it is out of my hands sort of thing. But I never do feel relieved. I sit in the seat on the plane and I feel like the very compass of my bones knows I am traveling away from the one person I never want to leave.

Photographs.

Sketch (pen and ink on paper).

Stefano with Apple's friend Doris.

The Apple.

I have an addiction to the Apple.

I made him put it on.

Apple. (Our biscuit cow.)

Catching Apple, hugging Stefano.

I was able to catch Apple sleeping in her dog bed. :-) I am grateful today is only Wednesday and that Stefano and I still have a bunch of days together before I go back to the US on Monday.... it is hard to imagine leaving here. Stefano is sitting here as I type this and he is telling me to write "But I will be back in April." This is true. BUT... there will be about 72 days of Skype. Ick. I want to stay here. Stefano says he wants me to stay here too. :-)

sketchbook page two

A riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma. (Apple sleeping.)

Notes from the other side (and not just of the ocean).

I just had my therapy. I have talked about some of the hardest things from my past while I have been here with Stefano this visit. I know I have been able to face these harder things because I feel so safe here and so incredibly loved. As soon as my therapy was over I went and hugged Stefano who was reading a book in the other room. Apple was in a chair right behind us and after a couple of minutes of our hugging she began wagging (banging) her tail against the side of the chair. We turned and hugged her too. I decided this was a great moment to capture with a picture. This is the very first image we took.

sleepy puppies.

Page one of my new sketchbook.

Two weeks.

Stefano and I made a short 'Hello from Italy.' video but for some reason it will not upload. I will try again tomorrow. Today we bought my plane ticket and I will be here for two more weeks and then coming back to Italy at the end of April. Ew. Anyway- we are not going to think about that yet, but we are going to enjoy every minute of our two weeks together. Ok. Now we are going to watch a movie. In Italian with English subtitles. Or maybe the other way around? :-)

blurry (but cute).

We are about to eat popcorn and watch a movie. I know this picture I just took is a bit blurry- but I am posting it anyway. :-)

He wanted to wear his Korn t-shirt...

Here we are! :-) Stefano with his sister and brother after the ceremony.And here he is defending his thesis. (Scary looking, eh?) He did a wonderful job though.

They liked his work, he received the maximuim evaluation and now he is finished!!! Congratulations Stefano! Ti amo.