It is 3:05pm here in Italy and I have therapy over Skype with my doctor in just 55 minutes. Stefano's aunt had to take him back to work just now because I was crying, because I am so sick over the thoughts I am having about the terrible things from my past. I felt really bad because I was crying and Stefano had to go and he kept running back and kissing me and I kept saying, "I will see you in just four hours."
Apple just came to the door of Stefano's study and "knocked"- so I let her in and she just stood in place and let me hug her and cry into her biscuit colored fur. Coincidentally the sweetest man I have ever known just happens to have the sweetest dog I have ever met. Lucky me.
I feel SO upset just now before my therapy- and I know it is because I have been feeling so good and so happy and so real... but now it is time to do the work of my therapy and it is so painful because I want to just run from all of that shit from the past and just have the happiness I have now. I know it does not work that way though. I know I have to finish working through all of the terrible things from my past so that I can really fully live my life and enjoy it now. I just wish it did not hurt so much. As I just wrote though- in the post below- it is a lot less painful to have to think of my past and to work through the conflicts I have within my divided mind while I am here with Stefano. (And his little Apple.) Usually we are about four thousand miles apart and now I know he is just a few minutes away. And by the time I am done with my therapy it will be 5pm here and I will leave to go and pick him up from work at 6:45pm. Tonight we will walk Apple and then cook dinner together. Then we are planning to maybe watch a movie or maybe go on another walk together. We are both glad that tomorrow is Saturday and that we have the whole weekend to be together. I think we might go to see a really exciting art exhibit this weekend... I am not sure though.
Anyway- as usual I feel a little better after having purged here on my blog about my anxieties. It is just so hard to remember the past.
I am thankful the present is so incredibly good.
I am going to go hug Apple again now...