March 7, 2008
blood in ears (WARNING: THIS POST MAY BE TRIGGERING)
My day so far: Woke up, posted the photo I took yesterday (below), talked to Stefano over Skype, forced myself to change out of my pajamas and get dressed for therapy, clipped my hair back with children's barrettes, contemplated taking Lloyd to therapy with me and then made myself go out and get into my car. Five minutes into my fifty minute drive to therapy I called Stefano from my cell phone and cried for the rest of the drive about how much I did not want to go to therapy and told him some of the horrible things that I knew I was going to talk about with my therapist today. I then spent 50 minutes in therapy talking about how I felt after the summer that I miscarried my father's child, the memory of my father grabbing me by my hair and smashing my head into the wall when I was 17 and how when I was four years old I actually licked a razor on purpose to cut open my tongue with the hope that it would prevent my father from putting his penis inside my injured mouth and how I must have felt when even that was not enough to stop him.